Austin will be ok...

Wow no blog post from me in years....

Tomorrow is Austin's last day of high school - it's been a bit of an emotional day and few weeks for me which is kind of rare but alas it is what it is.  You take yourself back to those days when he was a baby and you didn't think he'd make it...Then the brain damage realization...The CP diagnosis...Oh so many unknowns. 

Tonight I was thinking I'd like to see if I could find some pictures of him on this blog. One of my earliest entries (July 27, 2007) was a 3 AM post about Austin's early life struggles and I had a moment earlier that day where I had said "it's nights like tonight that I think Austin will be ok."  Almost 14 years after that post I am in awe thinking that he's graduating and during a global pandemic to boot.  

One thing that has been a constant since October 2003 - worry - worry about my Austin.  The words the docs used "severe retardation, severely handicapped" they jar you forever.  Would he talk?  Would he walk? Could he function in this big, blue world?  And yes he did - and I'm thankful he's done so amazing.  I remember thinking he'd never even go to a regular school and my goodness he is going to take his last high school exam tomorrow.  Thursday night I will be at that football field watching him graduate and I know I will for sure be emotional.  And you know what I do not care.  He's fought through so much.  He goes without so much.  This week was a week of fun - bike to school, tractor to school, TP the school, so many things he'd love to participate in but physically he can't.  Poor kid never ever complains though.  I don't know how I got so lucky with him.  He's still a little worry wart - and I know he is terrified about college.  He cried the first day of school every year forever - even in some of his first days of high school - he'll probably cry his first day of college.  But like he keeps doing over and over - he'll persevere through it.  Will he graduate college?  I don't know.  High School was supposed to be a stretch but his wonderful teachers and staff got him through it.  And honestly - he didn't just survive - he thrived.  He loves those teachers and I love them too - the administration and office staff as well.  Everyone has done amazing things for my Austin and I'm so thankful for that.  It helps that he genuinely is a very nice boy.  He'd never be mean to anyone and does try very hard.

His next goal for the summer is to find a job - which jobs are a plenty right now but again what can you do with one arm?  I guess we will just have to wait and see.  I just know that wherever he ends up - there isn't a doubt in my mind that he will work hard and do it the best of his abilities. 

Finally - Austin will probably never ever read...this but if he does here's some special words for him...

Austin Joseph Papesh - I love you and am proud of you.  You've brought so much joy to our family and have taught others so much.  I can't wait to see what the next step in your journey takes you. It's a short walk across that graduation stage but wow it comes after the end of super long and sometimes tiresome and agonizing journey.  You are a model to look up to! Again I love you so much. I am so excited to take you to Disney in August with our family - it grew quite a bit didn't it? haha.  Don't just be "okay" my sweet Austin - BE AWESOME my sweet boy - Austin from Boston the Elephant Stingray.  You are capable of more than you know and I love you so, so much!  Your world is waiting for you and your family will be here with you every step of the way cheering you on! *blue heart!

PS - Take God on that journey with you too - you've been a Blessing to me and to many others and I thank him every day for you! 

Homeostasis

ho·me·o·sta·sis

ˌhōmēəˈstāsəs/

noun

1. the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements, especially as maintained by physiological processes.

The word homeostasis was recently used to describe the living scene here at my new house by Tommy. It took a while but the family has seemed to adjusted well to the new normal, though I know there will still be hiccups along the way.  

"While it's happening it seems as if things will never get better...but they always do." - Coach Lou 

Tommy had to endure things over the past 3+ years that no child should have to endure.  There are wounds, there are scars, there is grieving; but there is also forgiveness and healing with time. 

For me and my son...my beloved Thomas Andrew...we have found a new understanding and stability. He is still the arrogant, smart, funny, athletic, always wanting perfection, overachieving golden boy. I had lost the loving boy that I held so dear for so long.  I missed him so much but now he is back.  We have a changed relationship, one that I pray will grow and thrive for many years. I am happy that he has a wonderful girlfriend, a loving and strong bond with his brother and sister, and a good relationship with his father.  For he and I, there will continue to be highs and lows but for right now I am going to be thankful for what we have most recently found...Homeostasis

**********

For Tommy -  I love you honey - and I know you read this blog sometimes to remember the good old days so I hope this post isn't shocking or upsetting to you.  I am thankful for every today I am given and every yesterday that I have known even though so some were so, so painful... So to steal from Oasis' his song from 1995..."don't look back in anger...at least not today."  :)

Ashley praying the Hail Mary

I know she doesn't understand what she's saying but I was impressed at how well she did this on her own.  I guess she does listen to me at bedtime. :)

Geez; another month off.

It's been a month.  I come on the blog and leave, wanting to write but never knowing what to write.  I just need to do one of those crazy 30 day daily posting deals and see if I can get back into it.  For now, I think I'll just do a life update Happy/Crappy style.

Happy - Austin continues to do well with hockey.  He's had a four or five games recently.  At the one game they "orchestrated" a penalty shot because he was barely able to get to a puck as most of the kids have gotten pretty good and honestly though he's better the other kids are moons ahead of him.  Well today he had a game and they simply had him cherry pick and he got two goals and I think they were legit but after hearing about the convo Austin had with the goalie I don't know.  One dude is awesome and just did all the work and Austin banged them home. He was pretty proud.  He said later that the goalie told him, "stay right here and when the puck comes shoot."  Oh well, we'll take it.

Happy - Tommy's hockey team continues to win in the Little Caesar's playoffs and are going back to the Joe Louis Arena for the finals on March 13th.

Crappy - Tommy's hockey coach from the last four years is leaving the team after this year.  This may be Tommy's last month as a member of the Blizzard as we look at where he wants to go from here.  We're exploring making the leap to AAA. Time will tell if he's ready for the long travel and good enough to make a AAA team.  This week will tell a lot as he could be playing out of town three times this week. 

Happy - Tommy turned 11 on February 4th.

Happy - Tommy and his buddy Kyler cantered the Psalm at mass for Catholic Schools Week and Ash Wednesday.  They did a beautiful job and I heard so many compliments about them.

Crappy - Tommy does not like singing.  :(  He's says it's nerve wracking and some kids say singing isn't cool.  Pray he can continue to live above the influence and would rather please his mom and teachers versus his friends for a little while longer.

Happy - Jeff & Shannon's bridal shower; what a lovely event. 

Happy - Another Memorable $100 Dinner Dance for school.  Fun, fun even if we didn't win any money.

Happy - My dear friend Amy turned 40.  Her hubby threw her a little surprise party at the Olive Garden and then some coworkers and I destroyed decorated her room for her.  She loved it and so did her students.

Crappy - A lot of people I know have friends/family who have died recently.  Last week in particular was really bad. 

Happy - Tommy's basketball team got 2nd place in their school league.

Happy - I went to private confession for the first time in many, many years.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Heck it was good for me.  Very therapeutic.

Happy - Tommy got Bishop's Honor Roll in the 2nd Marking period which is a perfect 4.0.  He is the only student in the school who has been perfect all year so far.

Crappy - Austin continues to seriously struggle in school and I am really getting complacent about helping him.  Some days I just don't think I have the strength and thankfully Joe is usually there to pick up the slack.  But I'm working on it (see about trip to confession).

Happy - Austin's potty scene is getting better.

Happy - Ashley is doing great in dance class; i.e. she doesn't cry when we go anymore and dances all the time at home.  I got to watch her at a midterm "recital" and I just LOVED it!

Happy - Ashley continues to overachieve in Honeybees.  She's making those little babies look really bad.

Crappy - Ashley is getting kicked out of Honeybees. :(  Time to move on to Tumblebees.  No more Mom and Me gymnastics class I've got to stay on the sidelines.    I know she's ready.  Me, I's be thinking "where me baby go?"  She'll be three in a couple weeks.

Happy - Our spring vacation plans are really taking shape and I see it coming quickly.  We leave for Florida for a Non-Disney vacation on March 30th.  We are doing one character dinner at Chef Mickey's and I bet we ride the monorail around too.  Nothing like torturing ourselves.  Honestly though I've been dying to see the Harry Potter park at Universal so hopefully it lives up to the hype.  We're also spending a day with our Detroit Tiger's in Lakeland.  Yeah!  They're winning it all this year; I'm calling it. 

Happy - Tommy & I mastered mini-jumps on the ski hill at Apple Mountain.  Who said this old dog couldn't learn a  new trick?

Happy - My hockey is still going well.  I even had a tin league hat trick a few weeks ago.  Two goals in one game.  Boo Yah!

Crappy - Our cleaning lady is going to be gone for a whole month.  Don't plan on visiting until April!!! I'm only half kidding.

Well I suppose I've rambled long enough and thankfully as always the happy's definitely outweigh the crappy's.  Thanks for reading those of you that are still with me. 

Austin and the UMDM Rockets!

Austin is still playing hockey and doing quite well with it I should add.  He is coming right along and has improved dramatically since we started back up in October.  Next weekend he'll play in his first special hockey tournament.  There are five teams coming in for it and we're looking forward to seeing him play in some real games.  I'm sure he'll be a nervous wreck.  Joe will tell you that the team is really starting to look like a team.  They'll be doing line matching for sure which is good because the spectrum of our team is so huge.  We have some really good players that can skate well and shoot well and some that are still really struggling just to stand up out there.  That is Austin's biggest struggle is he needs help getting back up when he falls down or gets bumped over.  I'm sure a coach will be there to assist him.  Joe believes he is getting really close to being able to get up on his own. 

Bless Joe's heart because when we haven't had to be somewhere else because of Tommy's hockey he has taken Austin down.  I so appreciate not having to leave the house at 7:00 so he can be on the ice at 9:00.  I have to give Joe kudos; Austin too.  He sent me this video today and I was so impressed, Tommy even gave it an "oh my gosh" when he saw it.  So proud!  We're excited for next weekend.  We'll be down in Frasier and Livonia - rinks we're already familiar with thanks to Tommy.  Who's the travel hockey player now? 

A Pet Peeve Revisited

I wrote about the National Anthem back in July you can read it HERE if you've forgotten what I had to say back then. Well once again I'm back touting my love of our National Anthem and just how crazy it makes me when people disrespect our anthem.  I find that the best spectators are at the Saginaw Spirit games.  If you have a good singer (and they often have a regular performer) then the crowd will sing along proudly with both the Canadian and American National Anthems.  No one tries to get to their seats, they simply stop where they are at and show respect to the countries not to mention the folks performing.  The Red Wings games are also very nicely done for now, until the whole lets scream the word RED when "rocket's red glare" craze finds it's way here.  See the Washington Capitals if you want more on that.  Or Dallas for their screaming of "whose broad stripes and bright STARS!" 

I won't dwell on and on about people driving me crazy during our anthem because it simply will not do any good.  But what does make me feel better is this clip from Slap Shot.  What a classic hockey movie; be warned that they drop the F-bomb in this clip.  And I loathe the very overused and pretty much desensitized F word but I thought it was pretty funny during this part of the movie.  And for the record my kids will not be watching this movie anytime soon; they can stick with The Mighty Ducks series.

And the Oscar goes to...

Thomas Andrew - Oh my dear boy whose life is full of drama.  Joe and I always joke after basketball games that we're glad we can't see his face on the ice during hockey games because I'm sure he plays with as much if not more emotion in hockey than he does in basketball.  He'll scowl during botched shots, roll his eyes, stare in disbelief with his arms wide apart, I think sometimes he even growls.  It's embarrassing.  On the flip side Tommy will also say to us he's glad he can't hear us in hockey because we're "embarrassing."  ;)  *snickers* He has turned to me on the basketball court and actually conversed with me during a game "MOM, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"  I know I'm not supposed to but it's hard not to coach from the stands.  I'm working on it.

Yesterday Tommy had two games and he found himself in foul trouble early on in both games.  They had won the first game pretty solidly but the 2nd game they were behind pretty much from the start but kept it close.  At one point before halftime he was boxed in tight and is pivoting trying to protect the ball and he couldn't get rid of it and his opponent was all over him and finally Tommy stiff arms him getting called for his 3rd.  Off the court in tears he goes and he was still sulking on the bench all through halftime when we finally pulled him over to talk him through it.  He played with less emotion in the 2nd half but did finally foul out with about 2 minutes to go in the game.  The team only lost by 4 and I'm proud to say Tommy did not cry when he fouled out.  

All this to say, he's almost 11 years old, I know the real stormy days are coming.  But these little blips of emotional craziness while I laugh at them a bit, they also scare me.  So the drama.