Golf Tales

The 8th annual St. Elizabeth School golf outing was this weekend. It's always an interesting deal. Joe and I have either golfed or helped at most of the outings. And once again we came home with lotso toilet paper.

We added Doug and Lisa to our trio this year hoping to up our game and improve on our ladies 36 over par from last year. It was also going to be less tiresome because we wouldn't have to take turns double hitting a ball because we were short a player and it was a scramble. Lisa is also a great softball player/natural athlete so we thought we were in! Our hopes were dashed when she arrives with 2 clubs, her 9 year old sons U of M half size driver and a putter.

None of us had golfed since the last outing but we had high hopes. All of our first hits were pretty much crap and I even lost that first ball I hit but that my friends would be the only ball I would lose. Maybe we would only be in the 20's over par as Amy blasted a beautiful hit right on the green hoping to save par but all of us couldn't putt to save our life and we were 4 over par on our first hole. Hmm...4 x 18 would equal a whopping 72 over par. We were not off to a good start. Thankfully we did do better. Amy could drive that ball so well and the rest of us had a few good shots as well. However, our golf savior was also sporting a broken foot and started fizzling out towards the end. We ended up about 34 over par...we think. We didn't golf the last three holes because Jill was sick, Amy's foot was killing her, and Lisa & I were bushed shooting double all the time. Wimps. We easily won the last place toilet paper. The guys also repeated as last place champs with 17 over par. They declined heavily since last year, at least us girls seemed to maintain our chumpness.

The Pranks - You know it would not be an outing without trying to pull off a few pranks. I needed an ally this year so I couldn't be ganged up on 3-1 so I let Amy in on a few ideas. We got a few exploding balls which backfired on us as Jill & Lisa confiscated one and got Amy to hit one. Too bad she initially whiffed and only had a little white powder streak. She did hit it again and we got the full baby powder poof effect. We also played the game of "unhooking" the golf clubs and watching them fall off the cart a few times. The best was when we were on the break time at the clubhouse for a hot dog and when we took on the carts and off Jill's clubs go flying. Glorious as there was quite the audience.

Probably the best golf investment I've ever made had to be the purchase of an $11 air horn. We first get Lisa on the Mulligan/Vegas hole. (Yay for more audience) Lisa gets in her back swing and "HONK" slice goes her ball about 20 feet. Yup, 20 whopping feet. It was great! We later got Jill on the air horn and they attempted to get me. Julie came and confiscated it and tried to get the guys but it didn't phase Dennis who couldn't golf for sh!t that day according to Joe. Later in the afternoon we see a couple on the tee next to us and we teach their kids so Jill gets the air horn, and times it perfectly sending Jeff's ball sailing. It was quite comical. They played mixed and ended up winning the couples division by 2 shots with no help from us. I guess that was the only hole they bogey'd all day. Hilarious!

The bad thing about pulling all this off is you know they will try and get you back. Let's see while trying to shoot, I get a club up my skorts by Jill, Lisa uses a club as a samurai sword to stop me in my swing, and at one point they start pelting me with golf balls. By the 5th hole I was feeling pretty paranoid. ;)

The Bet - Teeing off on a hole with a hill, Jill & Lisa had already had a couple brews and I dared Jill that she wouldn't roll down the hill. You know how one beer can just totally make you lose your inhibitions well lo and behold she did. Unfortunately, immediately afterward she ended up massively sick. By the 14th hole she was done, totally baked. I think she missed most of the back 9. Here it is for your viewing pleasure. Don't mind my squeaky voice.



Overall it was a great day and we raised about $5000 for our school. The weather was gorgeous and it's always fun to get out with great friends for some fun and exercise. The kids got to go to their old babysitter's and had a good time so it was a great day for all! I like our once a year golfing, I think we'd be banned from the course if we were league golfers.