Moved On

Hmmm...odd emotions as I write this one. I foolishly let myself get caught up in an abortion debate on BBC. I say foolish because I learned long ago that no matter what stance you take neither side is going to be swayed so I usually skip those threads. But I didn't skip it and in a matter of hours it's got over 100 posts. One gal posted a graphic pic on there and it was followed by another lady posting a pic of her baby she had lost at 22 weeks. She didn't say how or why the baby had died. Anyways, it of course got me thinking about my Autumn Rose. And when she died the hospital had mentioned shadow grief, about how important dates would be harder for me. Well her due date was on May 19th, and I can honestly say I hadn't though about her due date until just today. How on earth did I not think of it in the last four days? It bothers me that I am so busy that I had forgotten. Especially since we've got it on our long list of things to accomplish this weekend to put something new out on her grave. I've thought of her, just not about her due date. Last year it weighed heavily on me. I'm sure Ashley has helped me immensely in moving on.

It's just crazy. I love my darling, precious, and just sweet sweet Ashley so much. If my prayers had been answered and Autumn were here I wouldn't have my Ashley. I just don't understand life sometimes. Having her here, I've easily forgotten about the struggles with Autumn, and I've already forgotten how scared I was when I was pregnant with Ashley. I've forgotten that we didn't know she was a girl until she was born. It seems like she's been with us forever and in the next sentence I'll tell you I can't believe she is really here. I've forgotten about the Heaven-Help-Me blog (still gotta get that printed). I've forgotten that it felt like I was going to be pregnant forever.

*side note* I hear a child talking upstairs. It freaked me out momentarily.

I hope all of this makes sense. Tired brain...must go back to bed.