Thursday, November 29, 2007

Midweek Update

Mainly a baby update. Yesterday we had an appointment with the midwife and the heart was still beating and it was moving all over the place. Amazing actually, but I had thought maybe I was feeling it! Today we saw the specialist and it was much the same as the last visit to her 3 weeks ago. The hygroma and hydrops have gotten worse so nothing has changed as far as outcomes. We did have an amnio done to find out what exactly is causing this. We'll find out in 2 weeks.

They were able to get a good look and it looks like our baby is a girl! This makes it seem so real. I can get a Christmas ornament with her name (we've always liked Autumn Rose) so we can remember her every year. After all, to quote from Horton Hear's A Who, "A Person is a Person No Matter How Small."

2007, what a year. Not terrible by any means but definitely we've had our teary moments. I don't know what heaven entails but I do believe this is not the end for us and though my baby won't breathe on earth, I'm sure she'll be waiting for me in heaven. For now, it brings me great comfort knowing she has four Great-Grandmother's waiting for her. My Grammy who just died in April was always a nut for little girls, sure she loved my boys (even called them dolly) but hey my cousin Jen and I know that we were the cat's meow growing up. So in my dream Joe and I are sending the Grandma's a little something. Not that you need a purpose in heaven...I don't know, it eases the mind to think this way.

And thank you Lord for getting me to December...I hope. December has such a prettier birth stone than November. ;) How is that for tacky? Now if I'm typing a month from now that we've entered January garnet land I'll be shocked. It just doesn't look good, the baby wasn't moving well today and the heart is beating 50 bpm slower than 3 weeks ago. Who knows how long I'll carry her with me, I'll just be thankful for everyday I have her with me until it's time to let her go. Joe and I are at an amazing peace about this, sure we have our sad moments but we aren't living in sadness and we definitely have a lot to be thankful for.

In other news, Austin had his 4 year check up and is doing great. The only cognitive concern Dr. Thill had was his speech which is not that bad. Poor little dude had to have 5 shots. He handled them great, he is so tough. He is still one inch too short to ride the big rides at Disney but our next trip he will definitely be big enough. Now if someone could just fund a 2008 trip for us that would be sweet. We've already decided to take the year off of the big Disney vacation as it's so expensive.

Tommy is doing great with school, hockey, and cub scouts. I need to post pics, I promise this weekend to get some updated pics on the site!

And finally an Aunt Noni story. This Great Aunt of mine is 89 years old and a truly sweet lady though a tad nutty. Our school had a cookie dough fundraiser and she bought some dough and made the cookies for us. Well they were pretty hard but the boys did a great job chowing them down at her house. She sent us home a bunch in a container that I just can't get over. It was one of those pink pans they give you in the hospital that has all your toiletries in it and also combos as a bedpan/barf pail with the metric measurements on it to track your output. OY! The thing was probably very clean but gosh it took all the strength I could muster to get my mind past the "where the heck has this thing been" stage. Oh mental power, I was definitely lacking there. Bless Aunt Noni's heart, she is a good soul and just adores the boys. She is especially crazy about Austin. I wonder what I will be like if I make it to 89?

Well I have been working on this post for well over an hour, I must get on already! Thanks for reading and for the comments, I definitely like reading them. (Makes me feel better knowing I'm not talking to myself) :)

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Weekend Update

That's really what I've become eh? A weekend poster? Oh well, I guess weekdays are busy.

Our Thanksgiving was nice. Joe made a nice dinner here and my Dad came over. The Detroit Lions couldn't do anything but oh well that didn't surprise me. We then went to my Mom's for her dinner.

Yesterday Tommy had a hockey practice with a tournament team he got asked to play on. I swear the kid loafs so bad in practice on his own but when he's in a race with other kids he turns on another gear. Hopefully he will do ok. He got all nervous before hand like he used to. I like my strong and confident Tommy, the nerved Tommy is no fun at all.

My brother Andrew's football team won the State Championship yesterday. We went down to Ford Field to the game. It was exciting. He is only a sophomore but still got in on a few plays. That is two state titles in a row for Nouvel, I might have to send my kids there. ;)

I have a bunch of pictures from the week. If I get some motivation I'll try and post them later. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

The Streaker and the Streak!

Our boys! Gosh do they bring such joy! I'll start with a Tommy story. Last night the lady that used to babysit for him for years had a birthday party for her oldest boy who is in the 5th grade. It was at the roller rink. Her younger son is Tommy's age so they invited Tommy to come so Bryce would have someone to hang out with. We got him there and put him all in his gear, elbow pads, knee pads, wrist guards, helmet and none of the other kids had on any protection and we were feeling a bit like helicopter parents. Joe gave him the option of not wearing them if he would skate at a nice safe speed but Tommy replied, "no I'm gonna fly." And fly he did, circles around those 5th graders! He got out there and all the parents were like "WHO IS THAT?" Joe and I were puffed right up of course. We left to do some shopping and by the time we got back Tommy was doing all kinds of hokey tricks holding his one foot up in the air behind him and such. He's such a show-off. And I guess I am no different as I blog about something so superficial. That I hate to admit comes from my Mom, she is quick to brag. I try to generally keep it in check but sometimes it's hard. :)

Austin's story is not much to brag about but is worth sharing anyways. We knew he did this at home but didn't think it happened at school. He loves to walk around naked and talks about butts and peepers and is just a naughty little dude in that regard. We have a strict "underwear" policy that states that butts and peepers must be covered at all times. Well imagine our horror when last night we were out at a friend's house and his daycare director who is also a friend told us that Austin will come out of the bathroom basically shaking his wiener at everyone! Mortifying! With his CP he can't get his pants up and down but he's supposed to stay in the bathroom and when he is done yell for them to come in and pull him up. Well he thinks it's funnier to come out on his own and announce to the world, "Pull up my pants!" showing off wiener.

Speaking of bathroom mortification! I was going to the bathroom last night and my dear friend Lisa just walks in on me. Of all the responses though, what do I do? I cover my face. LOL. I guess I was hoping she wouldn't realize it was me??? I don't know. What an interesting post on a Sunday morning. Hopefully my good friend Debbie will post some of her interesting bathroom stories to make me feel better. :) So much fun! What a life!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Revising the Dream

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" by Robert Burns. Quoted to Joe and I on August 9, 1997 as we were married by Fr. Jim Carlson. The whole premise of Fr. Jim's sermon on that day, (after a quick dig on Joe for being so darn meticulous all the time) he reiterated over and over again how, no matter how much we plan for something, things in our life aren't going to be perfect. I know we understood that but it still leaves us the question, "why the heck not?" On that day, I figured the "imperfections" that would occur in our married life would be limited to the likes of burning a dinner, dropping fly balls, storms on vacations, cars breaking down, you catch my drift.

You don't ponder the "unthinkables", if you did you would go crazy. We didn't think we would have a child with CP. We didn't think about our Grandparent's leaving their earthly homes. We didn't think about how our brothers would turn out. We just thought for the most part our lives will be perfect with a little snag here and there.

Our latest "snag" is a bit harder to handle. Our baby isn't going to make it. We found out on our October 30th ultrasound that the baby had a cystic hygroma on it's neck. We knew things weren't great then but a visit to the specialist on the 6th just confirmed our fears and it's only a matter of time before I miscarry. The baby has hydrops which is fluid around the belly. Basically, the baby's heart and other organs will be taxed out dealing with this extra fluid. Hydrops is the end of the line, there is no hope. We can only pray that the baby has no pain. The hardest thing is waiting, we don't know when it will happen. She said it could happen anytime in the next two months but didn't think it would be long with the size of the hygroma being so large. I don't think you can mentally prepare yourself for this, but am thankful that medical technology has given us this heads up. Joe and I will get through this, as will our parents who I think sometimes have a harder time than we do. We all have our crosses to bear in life, this is ours. We can't understand why but we just have to deal with it. Honestly though, I'm getting a bit miffed about bearing imperfect children. Yikes, that sounds harsh. Someday I'll get my answer of why Joe and I have been "chosen."

I guess I'll close by saying we've had amazing support from family and friends through this. One very dear friend of mine, the very 1st person I told I was expecting always knows what to say, she gave me some awesome words of wisdom and I don't think you have to be Catholic to appreciate them. They are...

"remember our model of faith, Mary. She shows us how to pray and how to live. As a mother, she wants all of us to be happy, peaceful, and full of love no matter how bad the circumstances of life - even when the sword of sorrows pierces our heart as it did hers. And she knew the key to peace is prayer. May we all follow her example."

Here's wishing everyone happy and peaceful days. :)

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Halloween Fun

Poor Tommy has been sick this week. On Halloween he stayed home from school with no voice and a bad cough. He seemed better but yesterday he was running a fever all day and ended up throwing up. No fun. Today he is better thankfully.

Here are just a couple pics from Halloween night. They didn't make it too far but had a good night nonetheless.