Saturday, May 23, 2009

Moved On

Hmmm...odd emotions as I write this one. I foolishly let myself get caught up in an abortion debate on BBC. I say foolish because I learned long ago that no matter what stance you take neither side is going to be swayed so I usually skip those threads. But I didn't skip it and in a matter of hours it's got over 100 posts. One gal posted a graphic pic on there and it was followed by another lady posting a pic of her baby she had lost at 22 weeks. She didn't say how or why the baby had died. Anyways, it of course got me thinking about my Autumn Rose. And when she died the hospital had mentioned shadow grief, about how important dates would be harder for me. Well her due date was on May 19th, and I can honestly say I hadn't though about her due date until just today. How on earth did I not think of it in the last four days? It bothers me that I am so busy that I had forgotten. Especially since we've got it on our long list of things to accomplish this weekend to put something new out on her grave. I've thought of her, just not about her due date. Last year it weighed heavily on me. I'm sure Ashley has helped me immensely in moving on.

It's just crazy. I love my darling, precious, and just sweet sweet Ashley so much. If my prayers had been answered and Autumn were here I wouldn't have my Ashley. I just don't understand life sometimes. Having her here, I've easily forgotten about the struggles with Autumn, and I've already forgotten how scared I was when I was pregnant with Ashley. I've forgotten that we didn't know she was a girl until she was born. It seems like she's been with us forever and in the next sentence I'll tell you I can't believe she is really here. I've forgotten about the Heaven-Help-Me blog (still gotta get that printed). I've forgotten that it felt like I was going to be pregnant forever.

*side note* I hear a child talking upstairs. It freaked me out momentarily.

I hope all of this makes sense. Tired brain...must go back to bed.

11 comments:

Amy said...

I guess I didn't remember Autumn's due date, but I will always remember the day she left us.

Hope you are doing better, keeping busy with the little papeshes!

See you tomorrow

Jill said...

Time does seem to fly by us.
I'm so glad we have Ashley. What a long hard road was traveled, to get where your family is today.
You are truly blessed....

Julie said...

Autumn lives in yours/ours hearts forever. She will never be forgotten. Every life's journey has it's ups and downs, curves and bumps - but as Jill said: we are truly blessed.

Debbie said...

Hugs Dawn ! I think May will forever be a hard month for me too <3

Dawn said...

Thank you so much girls! I just love you all!

Big hugs to you Deb especially.

mrs.notouching said...

Dawn, I just cannot find words to say how sorry I am for your loss. I know a few women who lost their babies, but after I gave birth to Leila... I suddenly felt their pain. (((hugs)))

ellyn0234 said...

I'm so sorry about your loss. And BBC debates can be rough. No one actually pays attention to any of my posts though. I didn't see this one on there. It sounds very upsetting though. I'm sorry it was so hard!

Dawn said...

Thanks girls for the love. You are both so sweet.

Barbara said...

I'm so sorry for your loss - anniversaries can be tough and can sneak up on us sometimes. It's good though that you don't have to forget to move on though.

Popcorn House said...

My dear friend just lost her baby a few weeks ago. Because we are so close, I have been able to see what grief looks like. Her baby was sick for some time. When he was in the hospital, I could imagine what she would be feeling. But this, I can't even begin to imagine how this must feel. It honestly made me feel better reading your post, gave me some hope for my sweet friend. You are such a great mom, and I love seeing all the pictures you post!

Dawn said...

Thanks Barbara you are so right.

Suzanne - I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about your friend's loss of her son. I'm sure her heart is just aching for him. I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose a baby at term or later. The agony. If you want some good reading from a faith-filled Mommy who's been through a tough loss come here http://www.faithfulfroggers.blogspot.com/
She lost a triplet at 6 about three years ago to cancer. What an amazing lady and family.