Revising the Dream

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" by Robert Burns. Quoted to Joe and I on August 9, 1997 as we were married by Fr. Jim Carlson. The whole premise of Fr. Jim's sermon on that day, (after a quick dig on Joe for being so darn meticulous all the time) he reiterated over and over again how, no matter how much we plan for something, things in our life aren't going to be perfect. I know we understood that but it still leaves us the question, "why the heck not?" On that day, I figured the "imperfections" that would occur in our married life would be limited to the likes of burning a dinner, dropping fly balls, storms on vacations, cars breaking down, you catch my drift.

You don't ponder the "unthinkables", if you did you would go crazy. We didn't think we would have a child with CP. We didn't think about our Grandparent's leaving their earthly homes. We didn't think about how our brothers would turn out. We just thought for the most part our lives will be perfect with a little snag here and there.

Our latest "snag" is a bit harder to handle. Our baby isn't going to make it. We found out on our October 30th ultrasound that the baby had a cystic hygroma on it's neck. We knew things weren't great then but a visit to the specialist on the 6th just confirmed our fears and it's only a matter of time before I miscarry. The baby has hydrops which is fluid around the belly. Basically, the baby's heart and other organs will be taxed out dealing with this extra fluid. Hydrops is the end of the line, there is no hope. We can only pray that the baby has no pain. The hardest thing is waiting, we don't know when it will happen. She said it could happen anytime in the next two months but didn't think it would be long with the size of the hygroma being so large. I don't think you can mentally prepare yourself for this, but am thankful that medical technology has given us this heads up. Joe and I will get through this, as will our parents who I think sometimes have a harder time than we do. We all have our crosses to bear in life, this is ours. We can't understand why but we just have to deal with it. Honestly though, I'm getting a bit miffed about bearing imperfect children. Yikes, that sounds harsh. Someday I'll get my answer of why Joe and I have been "chosen."

I guess I'll close by saying we've had amazing support from family and friends through this. One very dear friend of mine, the very 1st person I told I was expecting always knows what to say, she gave me some awesome words of wisdom and I don't think you have to be Catholic to appreciate them. They are...

"remember our model of faith, Mary. She shows us how to pray and how to live. As a mother, she wants all of us to be happy, peaceful, and full of love no matter how bad the circumstances of life - even when the sword of sorrows pierces our heart as it did hers. And she knew the key to peace is prayer. May we all follow her example."

Here's wishing everyone happy and peaceful days. :)

Halloween Fun

Poor Tommy has been sick this week. On Halloween he stayed home from school with no voice and a bad cough. He seemed better but yesterday he was running a fever all day and ended up throwing up. No fun. Today he is better thankfully.

Here are just a couple pics from Halloween night. They didn't make it too far but had a good night nonetheless.

Birthday Boy!

Big Austin is 4. We had a small but very nice party for him on Friday. Too bad the kid is afraid of fire. He wanted nothing to do with those candles. Why? I don't know.

Here are some pictures. You can see how happy he was and then how timid he gets with the cake scene. He's been like that since he's been 2. We've got some great video of him at his 2nd birthday all smiles and then shrinking like a violet into his high chair when everyone started singing for him. Maybe next year he'll blow out his candles.

Potpourri

Don't you just love that category on Jeopardy? A little bit of everything and that's what this post will entail.

The Sod Farm had another great ending to a mediocre season. After going 2-5 in the regular season we finished 2-1 in the tourney for 2nd place. You have to be proud. Here is a pic of our most loyal fans.

I got to see my friends baby yesterday. He is so beautiful. I'm so mad I forgot my camera. They finally named him last Monday morning after neither one wanting to budge. Walter Wesley or Wesley Walter, Dad finally caved and so it's Wesley Walter. He's so precious.

Austin will be four on Friday. So hard to believe. 4 years ago I was in the hospital with so much craziness happening. What a difference 4 years make.


So the excitement for Tommy is hockey and Cub Scouts. He loves both activities. He's doing great in hockey and his team is 4-1, he plays defense. In scouts he's busy learning his scout promise and all that jazz. He'll try and practice and his brother the clown is always there to sabotage. Tommy will start in with his "I Tommy Papesh promise to do my best" and Austin will yell out, "I Tommy Papesh I go home!!" The funniest part though is Tommy gets to the part where he says "do my duty to God and my country" and as soon as he says "God" Austin screams out "IN THE HIGHEST!!!" Ah, our church going is paying off. I'm slowly turning both boys into Rod and Tod Flanders. Hidely Ho!

Tonight's excitement. A steak dinner on the grill having to be broiled instead due to some uninvited guests. Look who took up residence in our grill. There were 3 babies that apparently were born in there. I hate mice, I don't like the fact that they are this close to the house. We've had one mouse in this house in 6 1/2 years and life is on hold until the mouse is caught. Hopefully they won't get in here. Yuck!

Well it sure seems like more is happening but that is the most exciting. Tonight is our only free night of this week. We can relax in November. ;) Busy busy busy!!!

Speaking of Babies!

My best friend IRL Renee and her husband Josh are having their 2nd child today. I can't wait to hear whether they had a boy or girl and if a boy hope they have a name for him! There is a school mass today, in fact Tommy is reading the Psalm, I know that they will be on my mind the whole time. I'm sure they are a nervous wreck waiting for their c-section this morning. So exciting! I hope they have a little girl for Big Brother Wilbert to look out for!

It's true!

And we are happy as pie! Still nervous as it's early but the newest little Papesh is officially on the way. We are due May 19th and the 1st ultrasound is October 30th. A grueling 3 weeks away. So far I'm feeling very well and am hoping to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy as it could very well be my last. I was lucky to get #3! So hopefully all will go well and 8 months from now we are holding a perfectly healthy newborn. I'll definitely enjoy sharing all the fun with you readers!