Sunday, September 26, 2010

Ego Stroking Sunday's

Year after year, a small group of us cling to the final days of summer hoping to catch a few more fly balls and feel the wind in our hair as we dash around the bases after a big hit.  And apparently there are many others that feel like we do as there are about 75 teams in this hokey coed softball league.  Most of the teams are out for there for the love of the game and the beer after wards.  Fun and fellowship with dear friends is what make the games enjoyable.

I am currently the team catcher so I get to see and hear it all from the opposing team as they trek up to bat.  Seeing the riff raff that is composed of the other teams now that's what makes the games freaking hilarious.  So here's to all you all stars (and some not so great players) out there playing in the busch league!

Dear Big Beer Bellied Dude - Yep, you can hit!  Good for you! You don't have to trot up to the plate all bad butt in your pin striped pants, spitting, rubbing out the batters box, and stepping out to get one last practice swing before sending your blast over to the next county.  And as you cross home plate you don't need to say it was a lucky hit and how "that rarely happens."  Imagine how excited you must have been to hit not one but two homers in a game!  And then, don't be grumbling about our pitcher throwing them inside later.  Oh how merciful of you to worry about hurting one of our players as you blast it right back at them because of an inside pitch.  You hit, we'll field (or one of your peons will go shag your home run ball), it's a game, shut up already fathead.

Dear Annoying Jersey People - I don't care that you're "BIG MIKE'S SEXY B!TCH!" Why must you have that printed on your jersey?  There are children that attend those games and honestly being anyone's Biatch is demeaning to women everywhere.  I guess it's better than Big Mike's Sexy Ho but I digress.  Class ladies!  Although I think my blog may have taking a class dive with that last line but I'm trying to prove a point here.  Also, every team it seems (except ours) has to have the player with the number 69.  Seriously, it just isn't that funny anymore.  Same with the occasional 007; it's lame people.  Just pick a normal number and play.

Dear A Division Teams That Play In Lower Divisions - I'm sure you love beating up on us in our H Division.  I'm sure it makes you feel all big and powerful.  And I'm sure you really didn't know you would be that good.  Come on!  How much fun is it to batter a team by 20 runs?  Especially when you score half of them in the first inning? 

Dear Potty Talkers - I love when you use the F word because you sound like an uneducated hick but I don't like my kids to hear it.  In fact a few years ago a man was arrested for swearing up on the Rifle River in front of women and children.  So say fudgesicles instead.  Who cares if you strike out, or pop out to the pitcher.  You shouldn't say **** in public you ******* Fat***.  ahahah

Dear Umpires - It's flipping slow pitch softball.  Call stinking strikes.  Walking should be disallowed in this league.  We had a girl ump today for the first time ever and she did call some strikes and no one walked.  It was GREAT!  Again this is a hitters game.

Dear Batters - Swing the stinking bat and quit looking to walk.  See above.

Dear Hoser - I love hearing your lunatic rantings.  Keep them coming.  :)

Dear Recreation Director - I honestly think you do a terrible job and I wish there was a comparable league elsewhere so we weren't stuck playing in yours.  I also don't think YOU should be allowed to play on a team for tournaments.  You seem like a nice enough guy, but how many trophies are on display in your sponsor bar when you align the divisions?  Seriously, it's just some cheap trophy. 

Yeah I'm a whiner butt.  But I loved writing this post.  We'll be back next Sunday for more action!  Put me in coach!  I'm ready to play ~ Clap, ClapClapClap, Today!!  I LOVE COED SOFTBALL!!


Amy said...

This is flipping hilarious!! I love it! You have a way with words and aren't afraid to say it.

BTW - I'll be betting about using that @#$$ word when I strike out next time:)

Jill said...

Dawn this is from Mike.

I love you and I'm thankful you did not have any "Dear Mikes" in this blog.

From Jill, I thank you for saying everything I would have loved to say.

Barbara said...

I've caught up a bit with your blog and will admit that I loved this post - it made me laugh out loud! I'm sure it felt good to write that out :)

The kids look great - I can't believe how much Ashley has changed over the summer! And Austin looks great on his new bike!

Dawn said...

Amy - Haha, welcome to intervention. We gotta get you off a bad language mmkay. You too Jill. ;) Glad you liked it.

Mike - Of course there wouldn't be any Dear Mike's. ;) New attitude, chin up, buttercup.

Thanks Barbara - We all had such a good summer together and Ashley is certainly growing up so quickly. Glad you liked the post, it's always so much fun to throw darts at other people you know.