Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Hockey - "Invented by men, perfected by women"

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded – accordion-style – back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.
- Steve Rushin

I hope when I'm in my mid to late 50's I can join a novice women's hockey team and make all the young girls look like jackasses. :) No, just kidding because then it'll be ladies in their 80's still making me look bad.

The latest drama in the hockey saga ~ Many new ladies have come out to play in our league looking for a good thrashing or public humiliation on Monday nights. There are some woman from another venue who have been playing for years (with men) and wanted in our league. And you know, some people balked but I say let them play. They can only make us crappy players better. So here they are; a goalie and 4 or 5 others. I ended up on the new team with a few women who've never played, a few I've played with the last couple years and 3 - 50'something phenoms! We've dubbed ourselves the "gold diggers" in our totally awesome Vegas gold baby poo colored jerseys, though I wonder if "the golden girls" might not be a better moniker. For heaven's sakes they wear granny panties!!! Not that I'm purposefully checking out the undies of my teammates but you just happen to notice these things in a locker room.

I knew what I was doing though when I made sure I ended up on a line with the best female center I've ever seen and a totally rockin defensemen. They skated and passed so beautifully and probably could have played fine just the two of them alone but they were awesome in getting the puck to us lackeys. Joe said he totally noticed a turning point in the game when our center said to herself (you know since Joe can read minds) "I like this nice little red head and I'm going to set her up for a goal!" Because over, and over, and over, and over, and over again continuously she'd be skating beautifully and pass it to me and I'd totally blow it. I had a few shots but never even hit the goalie! Can't shoot!! Just like my son! LOL. They always went wide, or I'd whiff, or just simply mess it up. Joe said after the game by about the fifth botched play he was going to send Tommy down to our bench and tell that lady if she continued to pass to his Mom he would kick her butt. Haha, actually Joe said I didn't play too bad, Tommy though thought I played terrible. I find the whole thing hilarious.

It was a hard fought game and I think both sides were satisfied skating to a 1-1 tie. I think these ladies are going to be great for our league. It was so much easier skating with these ladies who are old enough to be my Mom. They gave me some sort of energy because I wanted to keep up with them and not let them down. They also didn't make me feel bad about my lack of skill, just said good try and we'll get em next shift. They are such nice ladies who just happen to be awesome hockey players. And I do hope that I'm still living high on life like these ladies are when I'm their age, because they are showing no signs of slowing down.

Next week we'll try again and maybe I'll be able to put the puck in the net. But I think it will be a while before I start line changing by jumping over the boards. Yup the seasoned ladies even have that skill perfected. I will have to go to an open skate session just for that kind of practice so I can really look cool. Until then I'll simply use the door. Can't you just see me jumping over the boards?? Landing flat on my kiester; now that would be puck'n funny.


Jill said...

I could picture that, but I won't.

I think you could be jumping over the boards in no time.

Keep on shooting!!!

Tiff would like to come see you play a game before the season is over. You will have to give us some times, maybe a can get Amy's group to come as well. We can make it a party.

Dawn said...

Haha Jill - I know that you have some locker room stories to boot. And OMG I totally forgot to tell everyone I changed going over the boards last night. It was awesome!!!!

It's hard to believe but my new season is almost over. I only have two games left and the one I'll be in Florida. So March 29th is your last chance to see fire on ice. ;) I like the idea of a party!