Friday, February 12, 2010

Stress these days

Thankfully I handle stress very well or maybe it's just that I haven't had to endure a horribly stressful situation in a long time. Today begins my mid-winter break ~ off for five days yeah, and I've woke up with a headache and a stiff neck. I had some wild dreams.

So my stressful situation ~ my brother is getting out of prison in a couple weeks if it all works out. He has been in since Dec. 2004 but had been in and out since Jan. 2002. And it's all about money. Classic identify theft he rang up over $30,000 in credit card debt under my Dad's name. He lived the life of Reilly for a couple years before it finally caught up with him. His teen years were great. This is a guy who wants to have it all but doesn't want to work for it. After he got out of prison in July 2004 we had high hopes for him. He was generously given a job working at a restaurant and seemed to be grateful for the opportunity. But only a few months in he got back into the drugs, lost his job, started stealing from Dad & also my brother again. By December he had been on the lam for a couple months and had no money at all and held up a little boutique store. He basically walked in and said give me your money, thankfully didn't draw a weapon though he had a knife on him and a big customer detained him peacefully until police arrived. I think he was ready to give up.

5 years later he's had some counseling and I've seen the reports saying he's all "cured" of his intense emotional problems all stemming from his rough childhood. It's so much easier to blame someone else then to look inside yourself right? A classic narcissist with obsessive compulsive tendencies, he's called a lot lately wanting me to do this or that for him. Call this person, relay this message, get me some clothes together, yada, yada. I hear the panic in his voice when things aren't quite looking like they should, I hear the confidence in his voice saying he's changed and this time things will be different, I hear the awkwardness in his voice when he hangs up saying love you guys. I know my brother and it really confirms my worst fears of "he really hasn't changed at all."

The big standing joke after every holiday or birthday the past year has been well will Jeff be here with us next year or will he be back in prison? I'm putting my money on prison. His only hope is surrounding himself with good people, and his good people are Dad, my brother, and my family. He will very quickly wear himself out with us and soon he'll be wanting to run with his loser friends that still accept him (hopefully they have finally started to grow up themselves). Let's face it, no one in their right mind wants to associate with a felon and they shouldn't want to. But then again I feel like people should be given 2nd chances...I don't know, I'm so torn.

I shouldn't talk all terrible about him. He does have a caring heart. He was very helpful to me when Tommy was born. I got him a job at the lodge and he was maybe starting to make a life for himself when the credit card fraud finally caught up to him. He's very good looking, a charmer, and has a great sense of humor. He could have done very well for himself. And he still could! If he can play his cards right and do what he needs to do.

I'm excited to see him in a few weeks but I'm also scared to death that he'll just put the family and himself through more agony. It's just easier with him locked up. I don't worry about him getting in trouble. And the way he makes it sound the place where he was, was more like camp than prison. It'll be interesting that's for sure and I'm trying not to let it consume me but Jeff has been my primary worry lately. That and hoping that Tommy can win these last few hockey games so he can play at the Joe Louis Arena on March 14th! Priorities right? ;)

Anyways, it's very embarrassing when people come up to you asking "was that your brother I read about in the paper?" Oh yeah, and they really do genuinely care right? If he is going to get into trouble again can he at least please drive to Ohio so it doesn't wind up in my local paper? Or does the news not work that way? Oh help me!


Renee said...

Dawn, I can't imagine what you are going through. It must be a hard situation especially when you are so torn. We will be praying for you and the family, especially your brother that things are truly better.

Also praying that Tommy can win the games he needs to so he can keep on going.

Dawn said...

Thanks Renee - It's just my family crap, every family has theirs. It's just kind of crazy because ours is about to blow up! Thanks for the prayers, we certainly need them. :) Both for the brother scene and the hockey scene.

Julie said...

"Put your troubles in God's in box" are such simple words that people say when someone is stressing out. So easy to say but much harder to do. I can't imagine your feelings especially since he is and always will be your brother. Prayers assured. Not praying for Tommy and the hockey team - no siree. The team's skills and talents will lead them to their future. Good Luck Tommy and @01blizzardwhite!

Sheila said...

So sorry to hear you're dealing with such a difficult situation. I hope it all works out, for everyone's sake! And Go, Tommy!!

Dawn said...

Thanks Julie and Sheila - It will be what it will be. And however it goes, we'll get through it. Thanks for the support.

Amy said...

We love you and support you!! Don't forget to lean on your friends, that's what we are here for!

Like Julie said worrying about this won't change it. What will be, will be and just have hope!!!

ellen :) said...

Big hugs from MA to you, Dawn! I wish I could give you one in are such a giving and caring person, it has to be hard for you to not want to continue to have faith in him turning himself around!

Prayers for you, girl..stay strong!

Dawn said...

Thanks Amy & Ellen - It was kind of tough for me to post this. But like someone once told me every family has their "crazies" so I went for it. Because sadly, I might need that support when he falls flat again. I'm still praying he'll somehow make it. Only 8 days to go.

Julie said...

Just letting you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family as you cautiously embrace your brother's return home.