Monday Musings

What a day. I don't react to stress usually but at about 6:00 tonight I about cracked. Tomorrow is the 1st day of school and as any teacher will tell you, you're never totally ready. I actually had just left school and my room is all set for the new year. What about set me over the edge was the fact that at 6:00 I finally remembered that we were supposed to do a family poster for Austin's classroom. DOH!!! I already had a 6:45 tennis match scheduled with my Dad and I frantically called to cancel but he didn't answer so he showed up on time and we just played one game. He killed me as usual. A certain student of mine was running by and after an exceptionally lousy play by me he yells out, I see you are improving Mrs. Papesh! Every stinking time I play tennis in Reese I swear he is there! I will have to have a match against him someday and show him! ;) He'd probably mop the court with me, super athlete extraordinaire! So anyhoo, I'm delaying the poster making for tomorrow.

Earlier today was the annual Bean Festival Parade. My IL's live in Bean Town and we always head there for the parade and lunch. It was fun and the boys liked the parade. We had to skedaddle out of there pretty early because I hadn't gotten any clothes or shoes for the boys. Thankfully uniforms make it super easy to buy. I also picked up a couple things for myself so I will look new tomorrow too.

On the way out of Fairgrove we drove by my Grandpa's and he was out on his lawnmower so we wheeled in. Further putting us behind in our errands but a good visit as always. He loves the boys and had Tommy steering the lawnmower. He sent me inside to get some sweet corn and I had one of those "stolen moments" I suppose every woman needs once in a while. It's not everyday where I'm in that house by myself, so while Joe and the boys visited outside I sneaked into my Grammy's bedroom. It was just like it always was. Every other Friday for years Dad, and our family would truck over there with pizza. I always had to go into her room and the plant room for extra chairs when the whole family made it over. I'd always have to take a pile of clothes off the chair and sometimes this bright flannel would be hanging on it if it wasn't already on her. We don't need two extra chairs now that she is gone and I of course get the chair from the plant room. So in her room of course I noticed the chair with the clothes on it, I sniffed the flannel shirt and muzzled into her pillow on her bed for just a short moment. I then meandered at the pictures on her vanity, noticed her tennis shoes and slippers on the floor, the "now I lay me down to sleep" cross stitch on the wall and then headed back out. I was probably in there less than a minute but that moment delighted my senses.

Oh how I miss her. I think of her so often. She was just one of those special ladies, I could talk all day about her. She could talk about her Grandma too though. I remember her telling me how she cried for 2 weeks straight when she died, my Grammy was 18 when this happened. I knew it would be traumatic for me when it would finally happen and she'd always say oh don't worry Dawn, I'm going to live to be 106. LOL. Yeah, she was cool. I cried so hard, pretty much non-stop when she died and then after the funeral I stopped just as suddenly as you can imagine. I haven't cried since and it's been since April. I don't understand that. I've had my moments of sadness and I've maybe welled up a bit especially when my Grandpa gets shook up but I haven't had a good cry over her at all since the funeral. I get sad, but somehow the tears elude me. I wish I understood why. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I was always so threatened with the thought of losing her. I found a letter this summer while cleaning a closet I wrote to Joe in 1994 talking about how worried I was about losing her someday. I know I was always so thankful for every visit I had with her and I had the most irrational fear of losing her. Maybe it was because she was the most stable person in my life growing up. I don't know.

Well I have to go, Joe gave me "the look" and a few "words." Can't blame him, he's had a long weekend too and dinner is on the table. Yup, we're a tad behind on the day. Probably a bad time to get into a long ramble but sometimes you're overcome you know?

Wish me luck for tomorrow.