Don't I always talk about Joe always outdoing me? The bigger the better in everything. I tell him I budget $100 for him on Christmas, he'll spend $150 on me. I put up a blog with pics, he does a slideshow. He finished 7th in his high school class, I finished 18th. He got a full ride scholarship, I got a measly few bucks and am still paying off a huge loan! He cooks better than me! He is much more organized than me! About the only thing I've consistently been better at is ping-pong and video games and you have to go back years to when we've actually played. I'm reaching far here aren't I? So anyways, sorry it took so long to get to this post but I just thought I would link to his story on yesterday. He really said everything so well. Joe's Blog
I guess I will just add that it was a crazy day full of highs and lows. I had a very easy time with the service. I was very calm and unlike Joe, I remember just about everything. It was a beautiful day for December, mid-30's and the sun was out a bit. I wore my Jackie O sunglasses so people couldn't see me cry. The eyes, just give away your pain and I was happy I had them on. Joe and our parents definitely had a harder time than me. It was just perfect and so beautiful. It's hard to fathom that our little girl was in that pink casket and not inside of me where she really belongs.
Mass yesterday was so nice and I have so many wonderful students. I got many many hugs. I heard that they had a rough day yesterday behavior wise. It's the time of year I suppose and I know they feel bad about this too. It's the 2nd time I've screwed up my students lives. I had Austin early. I left a lunch appointment on Oct. 21, 2003 and told them I'd be back in an hour and didn't come back until January. I know that a few them handled it very hard. It's tough having a long term sub when you aren't expecting it. They all knew this scenario could happen. I'm just thankful I'll only miss 3 days and 2008 will be better for them.
At mass I had an old lady hug me and say "I've been there, I lost one at term." She had tears in her eyes and I'm sure she still thinks of that child that should be in their 40/50's. I may ask her about him/her later, I'd like to know about her loss. Sad to think about but maybe with today's medical technology her baby would have survived. I know if Austin had been born 20 or so years earlier he would not have survived.
One thing I've learned is that times in our life are not easy, I knew that before this happened. It's kind of like Joe and I were due for a tragedy. Things in our life had been almost too perfect lately. I get scared thinking about the whole bad things come in 3's. I guess if I search hard enough I can find 2 other bad things to get rid of my 3. I get that nonsense from my Grammy, she always had these nutty ideas like if you drop silverware that means company is coming. Bad for me since my house is always a disaster.
Yesterday was the worst day I had physically. I forget that you use muscles you're not used to in labor and felt worse yesterday than I did during the whole ordeal on Wednesday. I'm feeling better today so I'm thankful for that. I also slept GREAT!
I will try to get some pics on here soon, maybe in the next few days. I have some from the boys program the other night and of course I do want to get a few of Autumn's hands/feet on here and also her little casket and flowers. Now though we have to get ready for the busy day ahead. We're also a tad behind on household items like bills and laundry that I should try to plow through even though I really just want to be on this computer all day. I find myself on here at least every hour I'm home. I'll reread and reread the posts I've written over the past 2 months and am just amazed when I realize we actually made it to this point. I also just gaze and gaze at her pictures. I know eventually I'll get past this, I guess it's just so new that right now it's all I ever think about.
Hope you all enjoy your long weekends! Christmas break is officially here!